Miscarriage + COVID = GOD'S GRACE

It has been seven months since I suffered a miscarriage and said goodbye to what was the happiest thing to grow in 2020. I kept my pregnancy quiet since I was still in the first trimester but I have to say it was one of the happiest moments of my life. My Fiancé and I have been engaged for over two years and with the world in a quarantine and losing everything I've worked for my entire life, all I wanted to do was start a family so that I had something real to hold onto. The Pandemic that shut down the world and my three businesses gave me perspective and made me realize that I've been working so hard my entire life and for what? Everything (money, success, etc.) can be snatched from you in a blink of an eye. I was depressed and saw no hope. Jared and I decided to start a family and it happened sooner than we could have imagined. He was proud to say the least.

My first few weeks were exhausting. I slept for 11-12 hours each night and could barely keep my eyes open. Simultaneously, I was re-opening my Gym and had a lot of work to do. I was so happy and starting writing letters to my baby letting him/her know how much I already love him/her. I was shopping for cribs, thinking about names, and every decision I made was for my baby. What I ate, how much I moved around, where I went, I started vitamins, doctors appointments, I quarantined to protect my baby. I felt what it was like to be a mom for two months. I felt what it was like to live for another human and to put your own needs aside. I kept imagining the little face that I would get to meet within 9 months and Jared and I cherished my belly each day talking to our baby.

I was 8 weeks along when I did bloodwork and they told me it looked like I was only 6 weeks and that's totally normal because the bloodwork is more accurate than any formulas to determine the due date. A few weeks later I went for my first ultrasound, I was so excited and even though Jared wasn't allowed in the room due to the pandemic and restrictions, I was in love when I saw the little growth in my womb. I was told I was only 6 weeks along again, when it had been 10 weeks since I found out I was pregnant. They couldn't find a heartbeat and told me that was normal as well and to come back in two weeks and we will hear it.